As I sat
in a Hargeisa cafe, sipping Shaax, munching on a Sambuusa and
humming to the background tunes of the 5 pm Somali BBC, moments before the
broadcaster uttered "Halkani waa BBC Soomaali, oo aad ka dhagaystaan
hirarka......" . The cafe was just outside the Hargeisa main hospital
where I was volunteering for the month. I just finished my shift and was
waiting for a friend who invited me to a Friday evening abundant with Khat and
Qaaci.
suddenly an armoured Toyota Landcruiser with dark
tinted windows and government number plates, pulled right across the road. Two
men armed with worn and withered Kalashnikovs jumped out; you would mistake
them for Mooryaans if not for the new-ish Military uniform "tuutaha".
They appeared as skinny as a TB-stricken patient and they barely had any white
left on their teeth, the tragic consequence of the wretched amphetamine-laden
green leaves "Khat". However,
most striking was the bloodshot eyes and the cheeks stuck right to the
bone with no fat or muscle in between. My mind wandered thinking about how
malnourished they are. I was medicalising their appearance for personal
amusement and started humming to Tubeec's song;
Qof
waliba, wixii dhibay;
Dhafoorkay,
ku taala!
The irritable young men made it to the
cafe and walked in with the gusto of a crack junkie in withdrawal. They loudly
declared while waving their not-safe-for-use AK-47s "Dr kadliye
aaway" .
To say I was shocked will be an
understatement, for a moment I was certain a lifetime of fadhi-ku-dirir on
various Somali online platforms had caught up with me, finally. I am to become
another Coldoon, ALAS! but rather
less known and more likely to rot in prison. even worse, they may be here to
finish me off!!.
I whispered the Shahaada "Ashhadu
an laa Ilaaha ila laaha...." My life flashed in front of me. I
surrendered to my fate, Ironically my brain switched to playing a Somali song
from the 80s;
Malyuumaadka Mootanee
Qabriyada mar hore glaybaa
Magacayga lagu darayee!
Then one of them added, "Daktoorka
madaxtooyada ayaa looga baahanyahay ee away?" and the other said
"si dagdag ah waliba" . My curiosity suddenly peaked, as I
kept my finger at the shahaada position, I murmured; "waanigan".
They wasted no time, they ushered me to
the Landcruiser and I was driven to the presidential palace which is less than
a mile away from the hospital!.
My mind was racing with questions but I
came to one conclusion, it's likely the president is unwell and they simply
want a medical opinion, was he struck with COVID?, is he simply having chest
pain? Maybe it's someone dear to the president, his wife, children etc. God
Forbid.
as we arrived, I was received by a
presidential aide, reassuringly a former middle school mate of mine. after exchanging
pleasantries, He explained that I am here for a medical opinion. He profusely
apologized for the way I was brought in. "you will be taken to the
president in a short time" he added. I was firmly reminded of the secrecy
of this assignment.
as promised, within a few minutes he
took me down the corridors, directly into the president's own bedroom.
"Things must be bad!" I thought to myself. There laid the president
in his bed, dishevelled, shaking in the fetal position, muttering incomprehensible
words. "he has been like this since the morning" The aide
explained, "The president was experiencing nightmares since coming back
from the Djibouti meeting, we are worried he might have been poisoned"
He added.
I asked to approach the president and
speak with him, here is what transpired.
Me; Mudane Madaxwayne, Dear president, Then I
introduced myself.
Him; iga qabo, iga qabo, madad yaa jaylaani , madad
(hold them back, hold them back! as he calls upon Sheekh Jaylaani! for
assistance to ward off evil)
Me; Maxaan kaa qabtaa? (what do you want me to
hold back)
Him; Markaan indhaha isa saaraba , Calankii buluuga
ahaa baa la i tusaa , Indhaha iskuma qaban karo, hurdadii hadalkeedaba
daa. Anigoo Maamule faderaal ah baa la i tusayaa oo waan sasayaa . Madadaw
madad, Najinaa yaa Jaylaani!!
I interviewed him about signs of
depression/psychosis/mania. He had no features of any mental health disorder,
Just genuinely preoccupied with his worries and nightmares!!. There were no
physical ailments either. He was too healthy for his age, physically,
Mashalah!.
"one's nightmares are another's
wet dreams," I thought to myself!!!
"This is no illness, this is
sleep deprivation and stress from a severe case of political failure, following
a bankrupt meeting in Djibouti," I concluded. However, I kept this to
myself as any sane man would.
I gave him a strong cocktail of
sleeping and pain tablets and reassured his team that he should be better in a
few days. I told them that he probably have a viral illness. I politicised
the truth myself!.
A week later, I got a phone call from
the aide thanking me for the service and asking me to see his own mother at the
clinic too!. that evening the president appeared on national TV, looking
rejuvenated. He reminded Somaliland citizens that recognition have never been
closer ;
"ictirifaafkii
maanta maalin uu ka dhawyahay ma jirto"
I grinned as I said to myself "I
helped him get better, maybe a bit too much" then went on and listened
to Khadra Daahir's;
Cudurka
kaa gala fardaha
Hadii laga
gubo dameeraha
Dawada
lama gaadhayoo!!
Disclaimer;
This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, business, events and incidents
are the products of the author's imagination. Any resemblance to actual
persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental. This is also
a dream for which the author had no control. I hereby renew my allegiance to Qadiyada
Barakaysan ee Soomaaliland.
