Teaching myself to wait! my saga with delayed gratification.

 One of the many challenges of our modern era is the ability to delay gratification and reward. Everything is a button click away from food, groceries, even services such as cleaning your house, fixing your car etc. Everything is about the NOW. Every pleasure is readily accessible. Hedonism leads the way!. 

Last year I bought the "Marshmellow test" by Walter Mischell from a charity bookshop and upon reading the book and the benefits of teaching children delayed gratification, I was keen to test it on my own!. (Ethical approval obtained from the mother!). needless to say, they failed spectacularly, the younger one ate the marshmallow as soon as I left the room and the older one waited for a few minutes before concluding that his dad is "Tricking him" as he admitted in the post-event interview!. 

To be honest, I was a bit disappointed at the results and saw it as a testament to my parenting. How can I instil a characteristic that I lack into my progeny?. the answer is simply I can not. 

But how do you teach an adult delayed gratification? can old dogs learn new tricks!. 

I needed something that provides delayed gratification but needs effort and patience. however, most importantly something I at least enjoy to some extent. 

After ruling out numerous activities I settled on growing vegetables!

 the rewards are months away, and growing in a temperate climate is rather arduous than the Tropical climate where I grew up.  Plants need Tender Love Care (TLC) to grow.

 The seeds have to be sown indoors at the right time of the year, then planted out in spring once the risk of frost has passed, some in growhouses. Then I can estimate the areas of my garden that receive full sun and parts that are part-shade (<6 hours of sun a day). I was disappointed that apart from a 1x1 metre patch the rest of the garden received at sunlight about 6 hours or less a day. 

Don't even mention all the feeding of plants and watering each plant just the right amount. weeding , pest control etc.. 

All this for a measly tiny few carrots, tomatoes, potatoes, lettuce leaves etc. 

Surely, I couldn't think of a better activity to start teaching me the art of waiting. which I did. 

Delayed Gratification is boring. and painful. I found out. ....

I will let you know once harvest time comes, how it feels!..

We Become that we feared!

 Given enough time, we become the monsters we always feared!. 

As I get older and sometimes wiser, others not so much. I notice that I accrue characteristics and traits that I always feared and occasionally hated!. I slowly morph into the monsters I feared!. 

Change is inevitable, experiences and information help us change!. It's unavoidable and if one doesn't change then something is clearly amiss. However, Changing to what you feared, disliked or avoided not only requires formidable courage and drive but it's also dangerous.  The cognitive dissonance created from one's shift of principles could burden the mind and the soul. 

Hence, I would say, some change turns us into the heroes and role models we aspired to be in earlier years, and other forms of change transform us to the monsters and villains we despised. 

There is no good or bad change by definition because good and bad are relative!.  They are derived from one's personal morals and values. "Man of God turned athiest" might be good in the Athiest circles but is a bad omen for the spiritually minded. 

I am reluctant to share any serious examples of how I transformed into what I feared, but I remember promising myself "I will never like that" more times than I can recount. 

While on my way back from work, I received a call from someone. I knew what they were asking and I convinced myself I can not assist them in their quest. Hence I apologised "meekly" and hung up the phone. 

The young idealist me from a decade ago, would be rolling in shame at the sight.  But the young me of decade ago and myself today are completely different men!. we might share entity but not identity!. I have transformed by experiences, sometimes good and many others bad. 

I find the only remedy to guilt that accompanies this change to be acceptance!. Acceptance and realisation that whatever happened was for a reason. Alas! This means one should also accept - at least in theory- the monsters they have become!. 

Mar baan ahay mudeec camal san oo maagista aqoone, 
Marna mukhawi waashoo, xumaha miista baan ahaye!. 

`Abwaan Qaasim