We Become that we feared!

 Given enough time, we become the monsters we always feared!. 

As I get older and sometimes wiser, others not so much. I notice that I accrue characteristics and traits that I always feared and occasionally hated!. I slowly morph into the monsters I feared!. 

Change is inevitable, experiences and information help us change!. It's unavoidable and if one doesn't change then something is clearly amiss. However, Changing to what you feared, disliked or avoided not only requires formidable courage and drive but it's also dangerous.  The cognitive dissonance created from one's shift of principles could burden the mind and the soul. 

Hence, I would say, some change turns us into the heroes and role models we aspired to be in earlier years, and other forms of change transform us to the monsters and villains we despised. 

There is no good or bad change by definition because good and bad are relative!.  They are derived from one's personal morals and values. "Man of God turned athiest" might be good in the Athiest circles but is a bad omen for the spiritually minded. 

I am reluctant to share any serious examples of how I transformed into what I feared, but I remember promising myself "I will never like that" more times than I can recount. 

While on my way back from work, I received a call from someone. I knew what they were asking and I convinced myself I can not assist them in their quest. Hence I apologised "meekly" and hung up the phone. 

The young idealist me from a decade ago, would be rolling in shame at the sight.  But the young me of decade ago and myself today are completely different men!. we might share entity but not identity!. I have transformed by experiences, sometimes good and many others bad. 

I find the only remedy to guilt that accompanies this change to be acceptance!. Acceptance and realisation that whatever happened was for a reason. Alas! This means one should also accept - at least in theory- the monsters they have become!. 

Mar baan ahay mudeec camal san oo maagista aqoone, 
Marna mukhawi waashoo, xumaha miista baan ahaye!. 

`Abwaan Qaasim